Rantings of a 30 Something

Moving

2006-10-02T08:16:00.000-07:00

I helped one on my friends move yesterday. This is the second time I've helped him move in the past year, I don't know if my back can take it anymore. We moved the entertainment center, we moved the television, we moved the bed, the book cases, the plants, the chairs, the name it we moved it. Thank God he doesn't have a couch. I feel good for him though and his girlfriend though, they are moving into a better place with more space. They really needed it. So, here's to them (they just better help me when I move).

Self Medicating

2006-09-28T09:17:00.000-07:00

Still sick, now I got the squirts to with it. Damn. Okay, so now that I have had to start self medicating, I've become quite I bit less crappy feeling. Let's take a look at what I did.

Start off with Day-Quil but then attack the cold with Sudifed and Motrin (800mg). Thank God for past injuries and giving me the Motrin. More Day-Quil, and finally for bed time a Vicadin (thank you again, past injuries). Now for the disclaimer!

I am a idiot when it comes to simple things like a cold. If You try this stuff your-self and have no idea of what you are really doing, you are a dumb-ass. So don't you or any of your stupid little friends try this and then blame me when you overdose. Morons.

Sick

2006-09-24T17:24:00.000-07:00

Damn it! The kid is the one that normally make me sick but I was betrayed. My wife got a head cold and passed it on to me. This is a nasty one too. So, I'm sick and my 9ers decided to play like the Raiders today. Now I've got to go throw up.

Geocaching

2006-09-19T13:23:00.000-07:00

This is a sport, well not really a sport, but a lot of fun. I've been Geocaching for a little over six months. It's fun and it's exciting at times. The best way to describe it is a world wide scavenger hunt, using hand held GPS's. There's a link on the side, check it out.

Cellphones and Cars

2006-09-15T09:12:00.000-07:00

I have decided that the next person I see on a cell phone while driving is going to get a little road rage from me. Just enough to make them put the damn phone down. I have a good reason for wanting this and trust me it's a doosey.

It was such a nice day yesterday that I had decided to ride my motorcycle to work. I don't ride far, just about ten miles down the road. I can take the back roads because I live in a small rural area, where riding a motorcycle can be fun (most of the time). I was going down the road, to the connection road between towns here and I was cut off by some *BITCH* that was on her cell phone. I knew she was going to do it too. She was pulling out from her farm house and was yapping away, I saw her so I made a lot of room for her to make up her mind. I even slowed down to five MPH under the speed limit.

So, I'm watching this lady and I *KNOW* what she's going to do. She doesn't even look my way, she waits until I'm right up on her (about 5 yards) and she pulls out in her Ford F250. I pull and step on my brakes as hard that I'm leaning forward, almost all the way to the handlebars and I'm blasting my horn. Nope, not even a courtesy glance in my direction. Fucking Bitch. She's lucky I was on my way to work, I *SO* wanted to follow her and ask her what the fuck she was thinking when she cut off a motorcycle.

To make matters worse, once I got on the connection road I had some one try and drift off my back wash. The person was in such a hurry that they decided that they where going to share my lane with me and that it would be okay. Well, it wasn't okay. The finger, the kicked in door, and the pounding on the window should have told this asshole that. Fucking people, you all suck. If it's not about you then fuck it, right.

See y'all in the morgue.

Professional Sports=Steroids

2006-09-11T04:47:00.000-07:00

Okay, here it is the truth in sports and steroids. When I played football in high school (1988-1991), kids then took steroids. Yes a great many of my team mates took them, although I did not. I was not the fastest, I was not the strongest, but I was clean. I got kicked off the team in my senior year, because I had an attitude problem and attacked my coach. That's another story all together. But what I'm saying is this.

1. Who cares who's using
2. Jose Canseco's a dick head
3. If pro's roid out, let them deal with the shrunken dick
4. Who cares? Lets play some ball
5. You use, you die of cancer, it's that simple
6. Who cares?

It's football time ladies and gentlemen, let's kick some ass!

Cagers

2006-09-07T12:07:00.000-07:00

I was driving home the other day and was thinking about taking Pearl out for a ride. After all, it was a beautiful day, and I wasn't that tired anymore (got my 3rd wind after working since 3 AM). That was when it happened, that was when I watched a cager (and you asshole know who you are) run a rider off the rode. You know the kind of road I'm talking about. The straight, less curvy ones that people tend to travel at high velocities on. Yeah, you got it, it's a freeway. So, anyway, I watch this Cadillac from, like, 1974 just come busting out of traffic. He's swerving into this lane and jumping into that lane, then back over to the other lane. Me and the wife call those people rabbits, cause they're jumping all over the damn place.

I'm doing 75 MPH on HWY101 between Santa Rosa and Petaluma (Sonoma County, CA, USA) and this motorcycle is in the slow lane just cruising with no cars around him. This Cadillac decides to jump lanes without checking and pushes this bike off the road. Mind you that everyone was traveling at about 75 MPH (120 KPH). I didn't see what happened to the cyclist, but the car was driving very erratically. So you know what I did? I called the CHP. Fuck that Mother Fucker, I hope he rots in hell, no I hope he gets deported and rots in Mexico.

I hate people who show no mercy or no understanding for motorcyclist. People who subconsciously believe that we have no right to share the road. That is why hey can look right at us and not see us, that is why they kill us and then feel "really bad" about it. These people are nothing but a menace and should be treated like the vile scum they are.

Keep the rubber side down.

Empty Warehouse

2006-09-03T08:49:00.000-07:00

Greeting and Salutations. I write again from a little nook in the corner of my own personal hell. I am now on hour 62 of my fourty eight hour week and I'm starting to become dilusional (did I spell that right?). I'm suddenly remembering songs from my youth. Things like Andrew Lloyd Webber's "Jesus Christ Superstar", great rock opera. But why should I start remembering things like this when I become sleep deprived. Here's one for you, I've been awake for so long that not even Rockstar Energy Drinks are working anymore.

I believe that when you become sleep deprived that you start to tap into your sub-conscious. You see, the sub-conscious is what talks to you when you're asleep, so when you don't sleep, you sub-conscious eventually needs to talk. That is when the fun begins. Oh, and the title, is where I am, in a empty warehouse.

Do people start to hallucinate when they've become sleep deprived (the Army calls it Speed Deprivation). Yes, people do start to hallucinate. Have I been hallucinating, no not yet, but I'm working on it. Right now I just can't get Joseph Escariate's song out of my head, so I'll type more when I'm not singing to an empty warehouse.

68 and Counting

2006-09-02T06:52:00.000-07:00

Morning. I'm writing at a totally stupid damn time, thanks to my outstanding weekend crew. I have a total of 6 Security Officers that work for me, I'm currently down by two (Mon-Fri Graves and Sat-Sun Graves). So I've been picking up overtime. Until yesterday, I was sitting at 52 hours for the week, for those of you who are math deficient, that's 12 hours (1 1/2 shifts) over the normal work week. I had no problem with that, none. My weekend day shift worker called in yesterday and explained that he wasn't going to be able to come in this weekend, so add another 16 hours to my total. Oh, yeah, make that a total of 12 days straight coming, possibly 19. His reason was that his wife is ill, again.

See, his wife, is in really bad shape. She's been messed up since Moses was a Crossing Guard and now she has pneumonia for the second time in three weeks. So I sympathize with the guy, I really do. I sympathize with myself more. If things keep going the way they are I'll have 70 hours next week and so on an yadda-yadda and whatever. She needs to get better of die, this is killing me as well as her husband, my friend. I know it's a shitty thing to say, but sometimes holding on just makes the survivors in this world hurt more.

There is one up side to all this, my paychecks have been HUGE, did I forget to mention this is my fourth week of straight overtime? I'll be here all weekend. Happy Labor Day, have a beer and a smile, have one for me too.

The 70's

2006-09-01T03:44:00.000-07:00

Good morning! Yes it's 3:34 AM, I have to work a twelve maybe sixteen hour shift, but hey I'm an American. The hardest working people in the world, next to the Mexican Illegals. Off to the not-so-much-of-a-rant this morning.

I was watching VH1's "I Love The 70's: Part 2" and it was hilarious. I love watching these idiots that don't even remember any part of the 70s make fun of them. My Dad gets all pissed off, "These little assholes don't even know what the 70's where about!" I digress, the whole reason for me typing this early in the morning is that the show mentioned John Taylor and Carley Simon ( did I spell her name right?) and that stupid song they did "Mockingbird". Even now it's stuck in my head.

Mock

Yeah

Ing

Yeah

Bird

Yeah

Yeah

Stupid Hippies. Anyway the show decided that Carley Simon wrote "Your So Vain" about J.T. after the break-up of the worst looking musical couple to happen in the 70's and that J.T. penned "Horse With No Name" about Carley Simon. Zing! Thank you very much, thank you very much. I'll be stealing jokes from VH1 for years to come.

Punk Rock

2006-08-30T08:05:00.000-07:00

Who here likes Punk Rock? Who here knows what Punk Rock is? Who here knows at least one good chart making Punk Rock song? Bullshit everyone knows at least one. Come on, The Ramones where punk and almost everyone knows their stuff, The Clash was another Punk Rock band. But lets get into the nitty-gritty.

Punk Rock as I knew it as a kid is dead, hold on, hold on I already hear everyone screaming that punk is not dead. It's not, it's just changed. When I was a kid Punk had a place and a time, it was a way to tell the system that we where not going to compromise, we where going to stick it to the corporate machine. It started out that way, now that punk has gone more mainstream, thanks to bands like Green Day and Blink 182 (fuck you very much!). Punk was not supposed to become the norm, it was supposed to be angry and pissed off and in you face. Now it's a load of bullshit, sticky slick track it all over the house bullshit.

If all of you want to know what real Punk is, find and listen to the following. D.I. (NOT D.R.I.), The Vandals, Circle Jerk, Social Distortion, Pennywise, Operation Ivy, The Jam. Those will school you on the very basics of Punk.

Cold

2006-08-27T09:37:00.000-07:00

When did it get so cold, and who the hell gave the weather people the right to make it so cold? Actually I prefer the cold, because I can do something about it. If I'm outside I can wear layers of clothing until I'm like the little brother in "A Christmas Story". Slowly peeling off layers as I get warm. Now heat, that's another messed up start.

I hate the heat, I can't stand the heat. You can't really do anything about the heat except wear really skimpy clothes. I don't like wearing really skimpy clothes, to quote my daughter when she saw me in shorts and a tank top "Ewwwww." Even if you strip down to your underwear, heat still finds a way to make you uncomfortable. Like making my balls sweat, yes ball sweat is uncomfortable. Armpit sweat just makes your pits feel lubed. I get heat rash on my thighs from walking around in the heat and then my wife tells me I'm walking around like I have a load in my pants. Hey, who the hell asked you lady?

Cold, love it. Heat sucks, for those of you that don't agree, go to Iraq in August (156 Fahrenheit). I did.

Angry People Rock!

2006-08-25T08:57:00.000-07:00

I have decided that angry people that are willing to express there anger rock. They are the heart and soul of what needs to happen with this county. We have people fighting and dying every day for our freedom of speech. Do we use it? FUCK NO! We're to scared that we might offend some one. Lets tell people how we really feel, if you piss some one off they should have the right to call you names and you should have the right to call them back. We're lowering the standards and they shouldn't be lowered. Back when I wheren't to school, you tried out for the teams, not everyone was guaranteed to make the cut. Guess what, that's fucking life! We're not all the best, not everything is going to end in a tie and being number one and number two in society has a major effect on your life.

Class rooms are the same way, school used to be tough and if you didn't pass a grade, you where held back. Parents no longer side with the teacher and tell their kid to quit being dumb asses. Now it's, "how dare you hold my kid back? Do you know how much fun the other kids will have at their expense?" Uh, yeah, but if your kid wasn't a fucking *retard*, they wouldn't be held back. But instead of the schools forcing the kids to learn, they're just lowering the standards. Then we have the other parents saying things like, "My kid is not stupid, if you ask him the questions in Spanish, he'll know the answer." So now we lower our standards a little more to accommodate that problem.

I am currently exercising my right to freedom of speech, so Fuji you Diane Fienstein, fuck you Barbara Boxer, fuck you all with the freest of speech this United States of America will allow me to have. Fuck all of you who Politically Correct speech to be the corner stone of America! That is not what we are and we should not let it take us over!

California Pizza

2006-08-18T09:48:00.000-07:00

California Pizza sucks. I'm originally from New Jersey and that's where real pizza is made (well New York makes a great pizza too). I hate people putting stupid things on pizza, like pineapple and (really I've seen it) asparagus. California also has no idea what real pepperoni is. They eat this spiced up plastic crap that tastes like doo-doo and think it's great. I want a nice slice with ricotta and mozzarella, Mmmm. Stupid Californians.

Cities

2006-08-10T08:40:00.000-07:00

For a change of pace, I'm going to talk about cities and what I really, truly, undoubtedly hate about them. I don't know how long this will take.

Cities suck! I live near San Francisco (makes me want to talk with a lisp), so that also puts me near Oakland (Oak Town!). They are both smelly, stinky cesspools. I walk around and the smell in some places is overwhelming and people walk around like they don't smell that rancid, decomposition smell. The people piss me off too. What rude people, when your walking and someone is approaching TRY AND GIVE THEM ROOM! I do, but people in the cities would rather just run into you. I'll make a promise to all you city folk out there, the next one to slam shoulders with me is getting a kick to the groin, man or woman, I don't care. I'm all about equal opportunity here. Traffic is cities bites the weenie also. I don't know what it's like in most cities, but in S.F., it's mostly one way streets, so if you miss your turn your Shit Outta Luck. I won't even go into rush hour in the cities (rush hourS).

There are redeeming features about my two cities and they are the 49ers and the Oakland A's. I hate the Giants and don't really care about the Raiders (I can't be a Raider Hater my Dad's a fan). The other redeemer is the Fisherman's Wharf. There's only one problem with it. Tourists suck, and yes, it's just like the stereotypes, cameras hanging around the neck. Taking pictures ion the most stupid places possible, like the middle of the road.

I'm surprised that you city dwellers don't have more deceases with how close all you people live together. Please don't come out to my little corner of the world, I don't like you and I don't want you here.

Humor

2006-08-09T08:40:00.000-07:00

I like to think I have a great sense of humor. It might be a bit dry, a little twisted, but it's a good one. I will tell a joke and no one will laugh, the giggle and smile but no real laughter. Now my wife and my kid I can get to do the belly laughs. I had a woman at work yesterday crying she was laughing so hard, but later I'm told that I'm kind of an asshole. My response, "suck the hemorrhoids out of my ass." Come on almost everyone in the area laughed.

I found out the the best humor comes when you're not trying to be funny. So I will leave and sing some of my favorite Monty Python songs. I know this rant isn't really a rant, but I'm just in a good mood today. I think it's because I'm listening to "Jungle Love" by The Steve Miller Band. I'll make a deal with all of you. If I get pissed off about something, I'll come back and drop it on you guys.

"Jungle love it's driving me mad, it's making me crazy. Crazy...."

Newspapers and Television News

2006-08-08T09:39:00.000-07:00

I've quit watching the news and reading the newspaper. Well, I still read the the sports section (that's about to end too) and the funnies. These people, I'm sorry, they don't deserve to be called people. These assholes are trying to ruin what we have built, what we have strived for, for hundreds of years. I can't remain silent on this anymore.

They only report the negative of what's happening and do you know why? Because the heads have decided that negative news sells more than positive. So they make out our soldiers to be the evil interloper, saying that we're torturing prisons. I hate to say this guys, but if making a guys do a naked pyramid is torture then what do you call what Saddam and his sons did? No, I call what Saddam did torture, I call naked pyramids humiliating.

They are also reporting on how evil handguns are. Handguns are not evil, they are a tool. And just like any other tool, in the hands of someone that has not gotten basic instructions, it becomes quite dangerous. See, I look at gun control as hitting what you're aiming at. The problem with gun control is that if the government takes our guns away, then the only people that will have them are the crooks and the government. I don't know which one scares me more. The Second Amendment was placed there to help keep the government at bay, believe it or not.

My final rant about the news media today is their attack on the current administration. Look assholes, if you can do a better job, I'd like to see it. Politics has changed dramatically since 9/11 and it's a whole new world. George W. Bush, isn't the best but he's not the worst either, anyone want Jimmy Carter back? That's what I thought. I look at politics the way that Luis Black looks at them Here's the quote.

"Over here we have the Republicans, the party of shitty ideas. And over here we have the Democrats, the party of no ideas. And here's how it works, Republicans:'Hey, we have a shitty idea!'. Democrats:'Hey we know how to make it shittier!'"

Thank you and good night.

Getting Stupid

2006-08-07T08:30:00.000-07:00

Why is it when certain things happen people dumb down? I mean really, they start getting stupid. Yesterday me and the wife where out Geocaching (www.geocaching.com if you want to check it out). We're driving along and this woman comes out from her house walking her Jack Russell Terrier, she literally stops in front of our car and stares at us.

In all honesty, we where not that close to her and I saw her with plenty of time but I started to get stupid. I just kinda stared back at her and didn't think of moving my car out of the way until I was almost on top of her. I swerved and missed her, yelled a few expletives at her and drove off. The same thing happens with pot holes in the road.

Have you ever noticed that when you see a pot hole and try to avoid it, about 60% of the time you hit it anyway. I call that the "Getting Stupid Syndrome", the experts call it "Object Fixation". That just simply means that if you stare at it you will hit it with your vehicle. That's what this woman did to me, she stared at me and caused me to go into a Getting Stupid Syndrome. I should have pulled over and kicked her in the shin for causing that, but I'm afraid of Terriers. Oh, come on! That last sentence was a joke! I'm not afraid of Terriers, okay I am.

Women

2006-08-05T10:08:00.000-07:00

Okay, okay. Before I even start, I know that there are enough things about women that I do NOT know that it would fill the National Library, or at least that's what my wife says. So, here's my bitch. I got home yesterday after working for 10 hours (I worked a 54 hour week this week) and my wife and kid aren't home. All right, peace and quiet for me. I opened the fridge to get something to drink and lo and behold, there it is. A hamburger with two bites taken out of it and it's not just any burger, it's an In And Out burger. A Double Double to be exact.

Without any further mumblings of murder under my breath, I pick up my cell phone and call the wife. She's getting her hair cut... again. I calmly ask her about the hamburger and where is mine and how come she didn't call me (I work 15 minutes from the house) and how can she eat at In And Out TWICE now and not even consider me. I can tell by my tantrum that convincing her to pick me up a burger isn't going to happen.

She explained that her mother came by and brought the burger in question for my daughter. I bring up that there are three burger bags in the trash. She counters with the fact that her mother brought over burgers, fries and chocolate shakes for everyone (likely story). So I state the obvious, "If she brought over burgers for everyone, WHERE THE HELL IS MINE?"

I think I was in the wrong. My wife told me to quit being a baby and tantrums don't work. She also hinted at the fact that if I yelled at her again I would not get anything from her again. I had to stop and think on that one, I thought she was talking about the burgers, then I thought, "anything?". Oops. I got pizza for dinner that night and it beats burgers any day. I still can't help but wonder, why didn't she just ask me if I wanted her to pick me up a burger, it would have saved a lot of stress between us and I would have not had to take extra blood pressure medicine.

Two For The Price Of One

2006-08-04T11:55:00.000-07:00

Yes, you get two rants today, I have to catch up from taking a little over a month off. This rant will be about fat people and diets, he,he,he (chubby people are cute they remind me of elves in Christmas movies).

Atkins- Fat people unite! Stay away from Atkins, my mother was on it and I eventually tried it. We both wound up in the hospital. Don't do the dead mans diet (yes he slipped and hit his head and died).

South Beach Diet - Okay, this one seems a little more intelligent but still sucks. I can pick and choose what I want to eat as long as it's on this page of foods I can eat. Well, I don't like a lot of them and then some of them mixed together make cheese. Is it wrong that I like cheese? I'll also like a pound of pasta with a nice bolganaise, you can't have pasta either.

Now here's a diet that I've worked all the bugs out of and it's amazing, I've lost weight, gained self esteem and look a lot better then I did. I call it "Eat Less And Exercise". Great title isn't it. It goes like this: eat breakfast, don't snack, eat lunch, don't snack, go for a run on Mondays-Wednesdays-Fridays, work on your muscles Tuesdays-Thursdays-Saturdays. Let me tell you the run part is hard but the push-ups and sit-ups are all gravy, maybe it's the Army in me. So come on Fatties, let get mmm Less Fatty! Woo-Hoo!

Motorcycles

2006-08-04T10:04:00.000-07:00

Okay, that's it, I'm pissed. I just wrote this long drawn out message about a guy that died recently on his bike and this stupid web site dumped it as I tried to publish it. I'll re-type the short version.

All you neo Nazi motorcyclist out there. We are a brotherhood (and sisterhood), no one is better then the next. I don't care if you ride a Harley, Honda, Suzuki, Yamaha, we all ride and we all die. If another rider acknowledges you with a wave of the hand, WAVE BACK!

My Dad knew this guy that died recently on his bike out on HWY 1 in Jenner. Here's the brief of what happened. Let's call the guy Jim, those that know me know where that name comes from. Well Jim and his fiancee where traveling down HWY 1 near Jenner, CA when a guy, who was late for work, jumped the double yellow and hit Jim head on at 55 MPH. Don't mind that it was a 25 zone. Jim and his fiancee where thrown from the bike and both died. Not right away, no, five minutes later as they drowned to death on there own blood filling their lungs. Jim's motorcycle also blew up on impact. The head case from the car walked away.

His trial started on Monday, and the charges have been reduced from Vehicular Manslaughter to negligent Homicide. He will only receive 6 months with 2 years probation for both murders, that's right murders. This is all because he has a clean driving record, no priors and works with the developmentally disabled. Now, here's the part that bothers me.

Not one rider, NOT ONE, showed up to the trial. They didn't even show up to the court house to protest the reducing of the sentence. Once again we are a brotherhood, a family, if one hurts we should all hurt for them. A special note to the AMA, thanks for nothing you cowards.

Keep the right side up.

Been Gone, Deal With It! Disneyland Sucks

2006-08-03T09:36:00.000-07:00

Hello people, I've been on vacation in Disneyland. I've also been extremely busy with work, so if you've been waiting for a post, here it is. If you don't care, then don't bother me. My rant today is on Disneyland, go figure.

When I took my daughter to Disneyland, I noticed that it really is the magical kingdom. It magically makes all the money in my wallet disappear and all my credit cards suddenly max out. But that's not my complaint, my problem is that it's not Disneyland anymore. The Disneyland in Anaheim, CA is no longer called Disneyland, it's called Disneyland Resorts. When I dug deeper on the subject I found out that ALL Disneyland Parks are called Disneylad Resorts. In short, there IS no more Disneyland or Disneyworld. They have changed from what Walt Disney wanted and became what most American's claim to detest and then go to them anyway. A sell out chain. Rest in Piece Mr. Disney, I'm sorry that your vision had to die like this.

Too Damn Hot

2006-06-21T17:51:00.000-07:00

What the hell? It went from overcast and rainy for Winter AND Spring, then suddenly 104 digrees. Come on, give me a break! I can't stop sweating, I can't stop bitching and I can't can't stop drinking water. I didn't even have time to adjust for a new climate, it went from cold to hot in one day. ONE DAY!! I'm too damn hot to type, deal with it.

Coffee? BS in a cup!

2006-06-16T12:46:00.000-07:00

Coffee houses, what a black eye and fat lip that Seattle has bestowed upon the American people. My wife came home with a "Starbucks" coffee. Now to me coffee is coffee, black and bitter, makes your guts hurt dredge. I like the quote "friends don't let friends drink Starbucks" from Deaf Dog Coffee. I'm getting off topic.

So, I ask my wife how she likes her coffee and she tells me "it's not coffee, it's a Venti Caramel Macchiato with Whip." Okay, that's it, since when has a large been called a "venti" a small been called a "tall" and a medium been called a "grande"? Whoa, whoa, WHOA, first you need to get your languages straight "tall" is English, "grande" is Spanish and "venti" is Italian. I'm sure you butt wipes came up with these names so we don't feel so bad paying $3.60 for a cup of coffee. Everyone hear that? $3.60 FOR A CUP OF COFFEE! I can go down the street and get a cup of coffee twice as big for $.60. Your being bled dry for a cup of coffee.

I think the problem is that all you people with Carnium-Rectal Invertion syndrome don't remember what a real cup of coffee is let alone how to make one. This pretty coffee or foo-foo coffee as I call it needs to die. Burnings to good for it, hanging's to good for it, it needs to be cut up into little itty bitty pieces and buried alive.

Morons and Computers

2006-06-12T19:59:00.000-07:00

Sweet Mother Of Christ! It's so simple, double click on the icon! This stupid a$$ that now has my job can't figure out the easiest part of a computer. He called me at my new job and asked me what to do if he gets a blue screen with the message "your computer might be in danger" at the top. This is known as the "Blue Screen of Death". Just to let you know how stupid he is, he called me and I wasn't able to talk to him for about 10 minutes and he left the screen up until I could confirm with him that he needed to shut the computer down.

Well he finally shut the damn thing down, waited five minutes and turned it back on then guess what he did. He called me back and told me the blue screen came back. I told him I couldn't help him anymore and that he would have to call his boss to get it worked out. I was promptly contacted by my boss, it's his boss too, and told that I now have to go back to my old job and teach him computers for a FOURTH MFing day. I want to pull my damn hair out, he's a moron, stupido, idiot, he's as sharp as a marble.

To add insult to injury, this idiot calls me an hour later and tells me he forgot how to log onto the computer. He wanted to know what his log on and password where. I'm going to KILL HIM!

Sorry for the Delay

2006-06-09T11:10:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the delay in posts everyone, I've had a long week and to make up for it here's the long rant.

I was promoted on Wednesday, that why I've been so bust and unable to post. I was preparing for the promotion since Monday. I am training for the promotion at the county courthouse, which I might add is filled with a bunch of a$$holes. All these lawyers and judges who think their $hit don't stink, well f%#k them! Did I mention they are all bunch of a$$holes in the court system? That's not the rant today though, the rant today in being jumped around.

I was Being trained at the court house and I get a call from my regional manager telling me I have to return to my old management job. It turns out that I need to do this because the idiots that run my company can't seem to TRAIN a manager BEFORE he starts a management job. I now get to come back to the place that I said goodbye to and see everyone again. They are all looking at me today kind of sideways and I just smile and say that I'm back back for a one time encore. Now my boss calls me and tells me that I will be back next Friday again because this "new" manager needs to take that Friday off for a family reunion. Ex-squeeze-me, did I get promoted or turned into a blue collar bitch?

I will come back one more time and if they ask again, I'll put in my two weeks and tell them to suck the hemorrhoids out of my ass until my face caves in. A$$HOLES!

Birthday

2006-06-05T15:49:00.000-07:00

Okay no rants today, I made out like a bandit on my birthday.

War Flashbacks

2006-06-02T08:17:00.000-07:00

I was just thinking about a flashback to the OIF (Operation Iraqi Freedom) war I participated in. It's not the kind you see in the movies where people are running around shouting at people, thinking that the dog's chew toy is a machine gun and the doghouse is a pillbox that needs to be taken out. It was quite a simple little matter.

I was sitting at the dining room table, having just eaten Chicken Piccada (I cooked it), cross stitching. Yes I cross stitch, it's therapeutic for my anger. My wife was sitting across the table holding George the retarded cat and watching this program on orphaned elephants in Africa.

Much to my wife's surprise, some words that's these Africans spoke sounded like Middle Eastern accents. So when a handler was playing with a baby elephant and his milk the handler started to tease the elephant and say, "Bottle, bottle, bottle, bottle."

The Iraqis did the same thing to us when we had empty water battles and when we didn't have empty water bottles. It was a constant sense of stress on us, mainly because they couldn't take a hint (it also sounded like they were saying, "Bootle, bootle,bootle,bootle". Just the thought of it STILL pisses me off. It got to the point that I had one guy asking me for as bottle for fifteen minutes straight, stopping long enough to take a break. Then his buddy came in with, "please meestah, give him bootle, all he wants is bootle." I snapped (8 months in the desert getting shot will do this, trust me) and pulled my service pistol on them. They screamed and ran jabbering something in Arabic. I re-holstered my pistol and just started to laugh, then I couldn't stop laughing. My Sergeant had to come calm me down. Anyway, back to the story.

This African had said bottle a few times and I spouted out, "Go to f%#*ing hell you son of a bitch!" My wife asked me what was wrong and I looked at her and told her nothing was wrong. The conversation went like this after.

"Then why did you say that?"

"Say what?"

"Go to effing hell you son of a bitch."

"I didn't say that."

"Yes you did, the guy on TV said bottle and you yelled 'Go to effing hell you son of a bitch.'"

"I did?"

"Yes you did."

"Oops, sorry dear."

That was it! Did you notice, I thought that an Iraqi was asking me for a bottle again. My wife wants me to go back to the VA shrink and get my head reshrunk. I told her that I had enough of those idiots and their touchy feely, how do YOU feel crap. I feel nothing, I want to feel nothing and you can't make me. I've cried for my friends that I lost over there, I'm done. I can't bring them back and I don't know if they'd even want to come back, I'm sure heaven is a nice place. Crap, I need my blood pressure meds and my scotch now. Am I really turning 33 this weekend? Crap!

The DMV

2006-06-01T07:31:00.000-07:00

I was recently in the DMV here in California and let me tell you that it is the most bass-ackwards place in the known universe. All I had to do was drop off my MRC (Motorcycle Riding Course) card and my Provisional Motorcycle Operator's License (Learner's Permit) and have them print up my license. My picture, thumb print and signature were already taken when I took the written test. Hold on I need to take my Lisinopryl (Blood Pressure).

Okay, I go up to the window and this red-headed monster of a woman (I swear she looked like Jabba The Hut in a Wig) and she tells me that I need to go to this other counter and get a number. I got to the other window and wouldn't you know it, the woman speaks broken English and I'm having a problem getting my message across.

"I need to drop of my MRC Card to get my license."

"Yous need to take license test?"

"No, I need to drop off some paperwork so I can get my license."

"Yous need to take written test?"

"NO damnit! I want to drop off paper, see paper. I. NEED. DROP. OFF. PAPER."

"Oh, yous need numbers, heres numbers, they will call yous numbers."

So, I waited like an *IDIOT* for forty-five minutes waiting for my number to be called. The numbers being called are B220, B221, C078, F025, J0111, G070. Wondering when I was going to be called and wouldn't you know it G083 (did you notice the G070?). SO the Jabba in a wig calls my number and I get to go to here window. I stand back slightly because I'm afraid she'll eat me or make me wear that damn bikini from Return of the Jedi. She takes fifteen minutes to change my provisional license to a temporary license, FIFTEEN MINUTES! Okay so called DMV, I want my hour of my life back, I'll take it in cash or one pound of flesh, your choice.

Am I this high stressed because I'm turning 33 this weekend?

Acronyms

2006-05-31T09:08:00.000-07:00

Okay, for all of you that keep asking what Army Acronyms stand for, here is the short list.

S.N.A.F.U. (Snaff-foo)
Situation Normal, All F%#$&ed Up

T.A.R.F.U. (TAR-foo)
Things Are Really F%#$&ed Up

F.U.B.A.R. (Foo-BAR)
F%#%&ed Up beyond All Recovery

B.O.H.I.C.A. (Bow-HE-KA)
Bend Over Here It Comes Again

F.U.B.I.J.A.R. (foo-be-jar)
F%#k U Buddy I'm Just A Reserve

Thank you, and beware of the Big Green Weenie

Where does it go?

2006-05-30T07:17:00.000-07:00

Wow, where does the time go. My daughter turned 11 today, she was born on Memorial day (May 30th). It seems like only yesterday I was holding her amazed at what I could accomplish outside the U.S. Army and now she's 11. I see her smile and everything is alright for a little while again. I remember the days of wrestling on the floor and all the hits I took from her, not knowing what she was doing. I remember the smiles, the laughs, the trips to the E.R. and most importantly the look of love in her eyes when she saw me.

"All it takes for evil to succeed in this world, is for good men to do nothing."
I can't remember who said it, but makes since doesn't it.

Remember Me When I'm Gone

2006-05-29T07:19:00.000-07:00

Memorial Day - Remember all those that have fallen to protect this country or at least pretend to give a shit you assholes. Modern day Americans seem to forget that there has been blood shed by many young men to save this country from it's enemies, and we have a lot of them.

I can't believe that THIS country, my country, the country that I have bled for and my friends have died for can be so ungrateful, so cowardice, so forgetful. Does anyone remember 9/11? Does anyone remember the pain in their souls? Does anyone remember the sick feeling in the pit of their stomach as they watched AMERICANS die as the twin towers fell? I'm a realist so I know the answer and that answer is a loud resounding no.

I can tell it's a no when our politicians still bicker between parties and the gas prices still rise. I can tell when city officials scream about needing to rebuild at ground zero but won't budget the money or the resources. I can tell when people scream, "Bring our boys home!" Our boys need to do this, this is their time, this is their moment of glory. My Grandfather had his in WWII, my father had his in Viet Nam, I had mine in Iraq. Good men are dying, it's true, but don't crap on their memory by trying to pull them out before the job is done, then they will have died for nothing.

I love my country but the people who are in it make me sick. Soldiers go out and bleed and die for everyone in this country, so we all have blood on our hands. They go out and do what MOST of you are to cowardice to do. Land of the free and home of the brave? Yes, for those who wear or have worn the uniform and still hold it's ideals. For the rest it should be turned to land of the coward and home of the back stabbers.

Hoaah, fight on and love your country, I do.

Ceiling Fans

2006-05-26T09:18:00.000-07:00

I was at my mother-in-laws house last night and cooked her dinner. She has this thing about pork, I've never seen anyone eat so much pork in my life. She eats pork at least 4 times a week, and get this, she even tried to make pork soup one night. The thought of it still makes my stomach hurt, here's the story.

I had been married for about a year and my wife (God bless her soul), left the top part of our wedding cake at her mother's. Well, I had been in the Army and was currently residing on Ft. Lewis, in beautiful, wet, soggy, depressing Washington. My mother-in-law sent the cake top to us via First Class Mail. For people who don't understand the U.S. Postal System, First Class Mail is standard post and takes three days for delivery. To counter this she packed it with Blue Ice, frozen peas and her frozen pork soup. The ice from the peas and blue ice ruined the cake (that's okay, who wants to eat year old cake anyway). The kicker was that after three days away from the freezer, the pork soup was still frozen solid, I mean hard as a rock. We put it in the sink to let it thaw out and two days later in has softer but still frozen. STAY AWAY FROM MY MOTHER-IN-LAW's cooking, this is a heath service announcement.

So to conclude what happened yesterday, I cooked her dinner (pork). I also was wrangled into putting a ceiling fan in the bedroom while my dinner was cooking. So, I was able to get Tomato Pesto Stuffed Pork, Potato Salad and Green Beans w/ Tomatoes and Onions on the table while installing a ceiling fan. May I toot my own horn, thank you.

I'm Here

2006-05-25T10:41:00.000-07:00

Okay, I'm new to this so everyone be nice. I was reading another blog and it made me start to wonder if I should do a blog also, so here I am.

I went out and bought a motorcycle two weeks ago and found out that this bike (I named her Pearl) that I bought is no longer considered the "standard". She's a cruiser and crotch rockets are now the "standard". Well I didn't get the memo on that one and I'm a little too large to be zipping around on a high RPM Donercycle. So me and Pearl will just cruise around Napa enjoying the sights. Now, mind you, I've only got a learner's permit, in California that means no passengers, no night riding and no freeways.

I went out onto highway 37 yesterday from 121, then got on Lakeville Hwy to go home. It was a total of 29.8 miles, that's not bad for someone with no experience on a bike. It was windy as hell and I was trying like crazy to control Pearl and I had a yahoo on my rear while traveling Lakeville. I think he wanted to see what would happen if he rubbed his bumper on my tire. I had to downshift and roll the throttle to get away from him. That took me up to a speed that I was quite uncomfortable with and that was when I realized I was doing twenty over the speed limit. Oops. I also realized that I forgot my wallet, so to cap this- I was going 75 in a 55, I had a yahoo trying to touch me with his car and I forgot my wallet. The only thing that was missing was the cop.

When I got home, my wife gave me the look of death. She hates that I started riding a motorcycle since her sister died on one. I kissed her and started on dinner. Did I mention that we have three cats, a black one named Tyrone, a Siamese/Manx named Baloo and a retarded (no really she's got Cerebellum Hypoplacia) named George. Well George started "talking" really loud, she's been doing this for about 3 days now. I just think she's spoiled since she has a problem walking so my wife carries her around everywhere. Well my wife is tired of the howling so we got a new spritzer bottle and George is getting nailed with it. Believe it or not it is working.

After dinner Baloo did the strangsest thing, he crawled up on my lap and went to sleep. To give you and idea on Baloo, he's a seven year old cat that doesn't like to be touched and is stand-offish. I think he got like this when he was younger because my daughter tried to give him CPR once and used to drag him around the house by his hind legs. He never scratched her hissed at her or swiped at her, weird damn cat.

So that's it in a nutshell, it's real interesting ain't it.